I developed oral cancer and we had to move away from our best friends Jim and Carol so I could seek treatment in West Virginia. I had great success from a young doctor and so far no recurrence but that's another story.
Last year, Jim was diagnosed with cancer. Below is his story.
Jim has been fighting death for a year + some. He had a terrible back ache and his sinuses were killing him, he said.
The doctors said, It's not your sinuses you know, nor is it your back. It's cancer of the kidney, liver, lung and pancreas. You may have two days up to possibly a week to live - that is without treatment. You may have up to possibly a year if you choose treatment consisting of chemo and radiation. You must also quit smoking and you may not have any beer if you choose to have treatment.
Jim didn't even think it over for a moment. He said, I have things to do. I will have the chemo. I will not have another cigarette. I won't have any beer, tho that will be a very hard thing to stick to.
So he had a couple of rounds of chemo and radiation. Or perhaps it only seemed like a couple.
Maybe it was only one. I cannot remember. The cancer spread to his spine. He was in great pain from it. He began on pain patches and his pain pills were increased. He spent a lot of time in no man's land dozing, fighting with demons and giving nothing to those demons from nowhere.
He had shots to build up his blood, iron shots, shots for this, shots for that and shots for the other thing. He received blood a few times when he looked like a walking ghost and felt worse. He became dependent upon oxygen and it was a gasp to walk two feet.
They drew litres of fluid from his lungs countless times because he could not breathe. He did not complain about this either really. He lost his good head of hair and had to wear a knit watch cap to keep from being cold. He complained about that a little. I sent him a West Virginia Mountaineer watch cap. He's from WV and we now live there.
Jim who had always been a very modest man, had to rely upon his very modest wife of forty three years, to help him into the shower and to wash his back and shoulders and hair. Modesty changed a little in direction, but never has left this man.
The smell and thought of food made this man of great appetite, sick to his stomach, so he changed his diet. It didn't help. He who had been a life long cold man became too hot. The air conditioner ran constantly. He kept a fan aimed at him around the clock. He nearly froze Carol.
On top of all of these problems, he developed an itchy sore spot on his leg. It didn't look like anything they'd ever seen before. They treated it with an over the counter antibiotic cream or something and it cleared right up - for a day or so - and then he broke out in shingles from his knee, all the way up his leg and thigh to his hip around the back, to the inside of his thigh and up towards his belly and around to his back. He complained about that!!
He was a very miserable man for a while. After the shingles began to clear up approximately a month later, their leaving gave him a damaged nerve which caused him a great deal of pain. He complained about that a little bit, too.
Slowly, Jim emerged from his nowhere land. Summer came around and he felt a bit better. He wanted to work in his yard and the doctor told him to do what he felt like he could do. The doctor didn't know Jim!! His tumors had not grown in size, some had reduced a little so if he was not on the mend, at least he had not lost ground.
Jim was all for that and so were the rest of us. He mowed his yard on a riding mower. It felt good to get out there. He didn't realize that having radiation therapy weakened his bones. He could have a fracture simply by bending over and here he was out on a lawn rider mowing his green grass lumpy, bumpy, hard clay Ohio ground he loved.
Jim liked to play cards on the internet. He was very good at it and when we lived next to him, my husband played there with him. They had some GOOD times. Sometimes they played the horse races. They had good times there, too.
It did not dawn on us that the doctors had SAID he had maybe a year and he'd already HAD it, and he was ALREADY living on borrowed time. We all knew he was dying..had known it for a year or more, but we never knew he would actually DIE. We'd forgotten that the day to pay would get here.
On Labor Day, Jim came out of the bathroom and looked a little odd and his dear wife said, what's wrong, dear? Jim said, you'd better call our neice. You're going to need her to help get me to the hospital I think. With that he flopped down on the sofa. Jim simply doesn't flop.
Carol duly called their neice, Hazel. She came, took one look at Jim who by that time had slid off the sofa onto the floor and said, we need to get 911. We cannot get you up, Jim. We'd drop you and you might break an arm or hip or whatever. I'm calling them now. And much against Jim's will, she called 911. And Jim then in the ambulance he had a stroke instead of at home with only the women to help him. Thank God for all of the little favors.
After more than 24 hours in the hospital, and more scans, xrays and tests, it was discovered that the ugly cancer that had been stopped, had begun its path of ugly growth once more. It had followed the easiest path of all - up the spine, thru the neck and into the brain. Jim's metered sand is running down thru the hourglass once more.
He cannot remember exactly what happened last Monday though everyone has tried to explain it to him. When he asked the first time if he were dying, he was told NO!! - Don't be silly! After the second time, he was told no. I suggested that if he asked again, people might say, "what do you think, Jim? Do you think you are?" and if he says yes, they might respond with, I honestly don't know. That's something only God knows and maybe you think. And to leave it alone. But with that answer, he said then I want my shoes. I want to go home...and that just isn't possible. O my God.
Our thought is this: IF Jim leaves this hospice facility, he will not be re-admitted. It is against all rules. (who made these rules?) He will still be under hospice care at home. That will consist of 3 hospice aide visits for bathing, or whatever the patient wants and a nurse visit approximately every 2 weeks to see if a medicine adjustment is necessary. That is the best that hospice can do. They're stretched rather thin. I have walked that lonesome road with my mother. Had it not had my sister, I don't know what we would have done. Mother weighed only 68 pounds and we were able to handle her. JUST.
As it happens, all the worry that he would get his shoes and go home was in vain. Carol took his shoes to him. He walked around the grounds outside on the hospice hospital but only managed a few minutes at a time. He goes to the porch, the kitchen and around there.
One time, the nurses were a little frantic when they thought he had actually left. As it turned out, he hadn't. He was with the family down in the kitchen. *whew* Big grin.
Byron came to see Jim for the first time since his admission and said, you'd never know that Jim is sick. He doesn't LOOK sick. He doesn't sound sick. Are you sure he is dying? Is HE sure he's dying? They told Byron, if you're here daily, you can see that he's wandering. He needs to rest very often and he will tell you that he needs to rest - very unlike Jim who is the living word of humble and welcoming. Never has been rude in his life. Not really being rude now. But he knows he must conserve himself.
The nurses there sat down with Jim and Carol. They told Jim that while they don't know when he will die, and the doctors don't know when he will die, they know that Jim must conserve what energy he has to live every day to the fullest that he is able, to enjoy the life that he has now for as long as he wants. Jim seemed to understand then that it's his time to do as he wants for as long as he can.
Last year, Jim was diagnosed with cancer. Below is his story.
Jim has been fighting death for a year + some. He had a terrible back ache and his sinuses were killing him, he said.
The doctors said, It's not your sinuses you know, nor is it your back. It's cancer of the kidney, liver, lung and pancreas. You may have two days up to possibly a week to live - that is without treatment. You may have up to possibly a year if you choose treatment consisting of chemo and radiation. You must also quit smoking and you may not have any beer if you choose to have treatment.
Jim didn't even think it over for a moment. He said, I have things to do. I will have the chemo. I will not have another cigarette. I won't have any beer, tho that will be a very hard thing to stick to.
So he had a couple of rounds of chemo and radiation. Or perhaps it only seemed like a couple.
Maybe it was only one. I cannot remember. The cancer spread to his spine. He was in great pain from it. He began on pain patches and his pain pills were increased. He spent a lot of time in no man's land dozing, fighting with demons and giving nothing to those demons from nowhere.
He had shots to build up his blood, iron shots, shots for this, shots for that and shots for the other thing. He received blood a few times when he looked like a walking ghost and felt worse. He became dependent upon oxygen and it was a gasp to walk two feet.
They drew litres of fluid from his lungs countless times because he could not breathe. He did not complain about this either really. He lost his good head of hair and had to wear a knit watch cap to keep from being cold. He complained about that a little. I sent him a West Virginia Mountaineer watch cap. He's from WV and we now live there.
Jim who had always been a very modest man, had to rely upon his very modest wife of forty three years, to help him into the shower and to wash his back and shoulders and hair. Modesty changed a little in direction, but never has left this man.
The smell and thought of food made this man of great appetite, sick to his stomach, so he changed his diet. It didn't help. He who had been a life long cold man became too hot. The air conditioner ran constantly. He kept a fan aimed at him around the clock. He nearly froze Carol.
On top of all of these problems, he developed an itchy sore spot on his leg. It didn't look like anything they'd ever seen before. They treated it with an over the counter antibiotic cream or something and it cleared right up - for a day or so - and then he broke out in shingles from his knee, all the way up his leg and thigh to his hip around the back, to the inside of his thigh and up towards his belly and around to his back. He complained about that!!
He was a very miserable man for a while. After the shingles began to clear up approximately a month later, their leaving gave him a damaged nerve which caused him a great deal of pain. He complained about that a little bit, too.
Slowly, Jim emerged from his nowhere land. Summer came around and he felt a bit better. He wanted to work in his yard and the doctor told him to do what he felt like he could do. The doctor didn't know Jim!! His tumors had not grown in size, some had reduced a little so if he was not on the mend, at least he had not lost ground.
Jim was all for that and so were the rest of us. He mowed his yard on a riding mower. It felt good to get out there. He didn't realize that having radiation therapy weakened his bones. He could have a fracture simply by bending over and here he was out on a lawn rider mowing his green grass lumpy, bumpy, hard clay Ohio ground he loved.
Jim liked to play cards on the internet. He was very good at it and when we lived next to him, my husband played there with him. They had some GOOD times. Sometimes they played the horse races. They had good times there, too.
It did not dawn on us that the doctors had SAID he had maybe a year and he'd already HAD it, and he was ALREADY living on borrowed time. We all knew he was dying..had known it for a year or more, but we never knew he would actually DIE. We'd forgotten that the day to pay would get here.
On Labor Day, Jim came out of the bathroom and looked a little odd and his dear wife said, what's wrong, dear? Jim said, you'd better call our neice. You're going to need her to help get me to the hospital I think. With that he flopped down on the sofa. Jim simply doesn't flop.
Carol duly called their neice, Hazel. She came, took one look at Jim who by that time had slid off the sofa onto the floor and said, we need to get 911. We cannot get you up, Jim. We'd drop you and you might break an arm or hip or whatever. I'm calling them now. And much against Jim's will, she called 911. And Jim then in the ambulance he had a stroke instead of at home with only the women to help him. Thank God for all of the little favors.
After more than 24 hours in the hospital, and more scans, xrays and tests, it was discovered that the ugly cancer that had been stopped, had begun its path of ugly growth once more. It had followed the easiest path of all - up the spine, thru the neck and into the brain. Jim's metered sand is running down thru the hourglass once more.
He cannot remember exactly what happened last Monday though everyone has tried to explain it to him. When he asked the first time if he were dying, he was told NO!! - Don't be silly! After the second time, he was told no. I suggested that if he asked again, people might say, "what do you think, Jim? Do you think you are?" and if he says yes, they might respond with, I honestly don't know. That's something only God knows and maybe you think. And to leave it alone. But with that answer, he said then I want my shoes. I want to go home...and that just isn't possible. O my God.
Our thought is this: IF Jim leaves this hospice facility, he will not be re-admitted. It is against all rules. (who made these rules?) He will still be under hospice care at home. That will consist of 3 hospice aide visits for bathing, or whatever the patient wants and a nurse visit approximately every 2 weeks to see if a medicine adjustment is necessary. That is the best that hospice can do. They're stretched rather thin. I have walked that lonesome road with my mother. Had it not had my sister, I don't know what we would have done. Mother weighed only 68 pounds and we were able to handle her. JUST.
As it happens, all the worry that he would get his shoes and go home was in vain. Carol took his shoes to him. He walked around the grounds outside on the hospice hospital but only managed a few minutes at a time. He goes to the porch, the kitchen and around there.
One time, the nurses were a little frantic when they thought he had actually left. As it turned out, he hadn't. He was with the family down in the kitchen. *whew* Big grin.
Byron came to see Jim for the first time since his admission and said, you'd never know that Jim is sick. He doesn't LOOK sick. He doesn't sound sick. Are you sure he is dying? Is HE sure he's dying? They told Byron, if you're here daily, you can see that he's wandering. He needs to rest very often and he will tell you that he needs to rest - very unlike Jim who is the living word of humble and welcoming. Never has been rude in his life. Not really being rude now. But he knows he must conserve himself.
The nurses there sat down with Jim and Carol. They told Jim that while they don't know when he will die, and the doctors don't know when he will die, they know that Jim must conserve what energy he has to live every day to the fullest that he is able, to enjoy the life that he has now for as long as he wants. Jim seemed to understand then that it's his time to do as he wants for as long as he can.
