It's now September . . .

and I woke up in shock yesterday. I'll be 60 on my birthday. How'd that happen? I was only 26 when I went to bed !! Walking by the mirror was the schocker. My grandmother jumped in front of me before I could blink. I REALLLLLY haven't any idea how that happened.

June was a most terrible month. My sister died unexpectedly. She had scleroderma and a host of other problems, but she hadn't seemed bad the last time I saw her. And we had talked frequently on the phone. She called me one Saturday and said, I don't think I can make it any longer. I said, because of the medicine? She said yes, but they're cutting it back. I'm only having a pity party today, so bear with me, will you?. I said Ok, but I'd rather come up Monday. No dice, she said.. I'll be at work. So I said Ok, but there was a little niggle at the back of my mind that said, Go see her..it will shut your brain off - stop it from complaining, but niggle.....niggle...went my mind.


Of course I have a life and my husband's disabled..she DID say NO and I know she'll tell me when she needs me. I took her to the University of Michigan a couple of times for some tests which had OK results by the time I was told. Niggle.....niggle......

She died on June 22nd '06. She was 56 years old.

I live in a different state and when I was told she was dying, I immediately called the nurse's desk to see if I had time enough to make it. No. Not more than an hour, she thought.

They hunted up a telephone and called me back so I could speak with her. I said, she's alert?? Yep, so I hung up and then the phone rang.

She was alert - and coherent and we discussed what she wanted done for a funeral, who would keep an ear out for her kids. They're 21 and 19. She said they're old enough and have their father and Aunt to keep an eye on them. They'll be fine.

With shock, I realized we were having this NORMAL conversation and I said, Barb!!! This can NOT be right. You're making sense, not short of breath, NOTHING. It can NOT be right. Oh, she said, it's right. I do not think the pain medicine is working.

We spoke another minute. She said, I love you, but I need to go now. I said, I love you and hung up the phone. I was called the next morning by our good friend, Deb, who told me she had died around 4:45am - which was the time my brain settled down and I drifted to sleep.

I still have no death certificate, nothing that says "Barb", nothing to remember her by. If any of you needs a reminder, here it is. We don't get to stay here forever, so if you love them, tell them. You probably will not have the same chance that I did.

So many things change and we think, next week. and next week....niggle, niggle... And then they're gone.

Sugar.

Found this from Dec '04 - my best bud, Bk2u

My mother is dying. Isn't that a note to celebrate Christmas on? A friend asked me is it better to know that they're dying, or would it be better to have it be a shock and they simply fall over dead?

Let it be a shock! You don't have to hear them sob in pain, be up all night rolling in agony, have them be sick to their stomach because of the pain medications etc !!

Now: The friend who asked me if it is better to know....died before my mother...and I so regret having given him that answer. I believe that he knew he was dying and was asking me if I'd want to know. Wish he'd told me...I'd give a different answer today. We all should have a chance to say something.

So. Bk2u..Cya later. You were a right good friend and I'll be glad to share some of your Granny's peach cobbler when I get there.

Found this where I'd kept a note. It was Dec 9, '04

My mother is dying. Isn't that a note to celebrate Christmas on? A friend asked me is it better to know that they're dying, or would it be better to have it be a shock and they simply fall over dead?

Let it be a shock! You don't have to hear them sob in pain, be up all night rolling in agony, have them be sick to their stomach because of the pain medications etc !!

Now: The friend who asked me if it is better to know....died before my mother...and I so regret having given him that answer. I believe that he knew he was dying and was asking me if I'd want to know.

How time flies

If it is going to be 6 months between postings, then I suppose one might think that my life is very humdrum. Quite the opposite in fact.

My sister and I finished up on Mom's affairs. My sister discovered that she, herself, is very ill with Scleroderma. She's been ill for quite some time (years) and unfortunately it reached crisis last fall. She's had a port implanted thru her chest wall direct to the heart with medicine which is pumped in to help decrease the pressure within her lung and heart. She's feeling much better now after nearly bleeding out last fall. I'll tell yolu, folks...it's been a year to...remember? forget? Whatever!


After I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in October, I've been learning how to deal with it - and everyone seems to have their own way of dealing. I am seeing a pain clinic doctor and he ordered an xray on my neck. He said it looked funny - and here I was going to him because he is a pain specialist. My neck didn't hurt!

The Xray showed that there was a problem and an MRI said that it was a disk which was pushing on the spinal cord. I had a diskectomy with a bone graft from a cadaver bone donor and a titanium plate screwed into the bone. Guess where the surgical incision began...
Oh, c'mon....Guess.

Right above the collarbone at the base of my neck!~ After 3 months, the bone still has not healed as the doctor wished, so I am on another 3 month stint of limited activity. It doesn't hurt much so I can live with that. The reason it is slow healing is because I'm diabetic. I'm not on any meds, and my blood sugar is normal but when it comes to healing, a diabetic's body is still diabetic.


We've been updating our house a little. I want to move to West Virginia where my husband's family lives. He left there 45 years ago and we've gone back for visits, but now it's time to go "home." He and I have been expecting to hit some bumps while discussing this, but so far we're still getting right on!! We've decided on a Modular, but haven't decided on the builder yet. If you have an opinion on which is the best, leave me a comment. :)

Cya sooner than 6 months!! (I hope)