Delores left to be with Earl

It was very unexpected and it shocked us. It has been a very long, LONG time since last she last saw him. We will miss her greatly. Even though she has been ill over the past two or three years, she never failed to have a warm " come IN! Come in! Come in and sit down! I was just fixing something to eat. Your timing is perfect", followed by a big hug and "what have you been doing, hon?"

She had bad times and sad times and missed her "Earl" but she loved to laugh about little things they'd done. She'd sniff a little, wipe a tear and then laugh. She'd ask me if I still miss Jim, and of course I'd say "yes, always". You never get over the hurt - Just like she and Earl.

We had the "remember whens" as in remembering when we'd gone scooty pootin' down to Troy to ride the kids' rides in the park across from the Troy Police station at 3:00 in the morning because we felt safe there. 5 or 6 grown women after work at 3:00AM riding the go-round and laughing like maniacs. We had fun, we did.

Well, it's enough to know that we had her in our lives and she'll remain a very big part of the rest of my life. She shaped my life. She was the most influential person I ever met.

Delores & Earl Morgan, together again.

It is Sunday and All is well.

On Thursday when I went to my Cancer Doc, he checked a few things in my nasal cavity, listened to a few of my complaints about my throat and then said he wanted to do an endoscopy. That is, he wanted to look down to my voice box by putting a small straw-like tube down thru my nose.

He sprayed thru my nose, down my throat and the liquid slid right down into my lungs. It felt as if I could not breathe very well.

A few minutes later, he deemed my throat well enough sedated to peer down into it. I felt as if he were the captain of a submarine peering thru the periscope and I was what he was looking at - which incidentally is quite right. :-)

He said, Holy Smokes! Your throat looks as if you have had radiation! Since I had not, he asked if I feel as if I am full of dry mucous and I said Yep. All the time. The roof of my mouth feels like cracked clay when I wake up and it's very uncomfortable. I told him that my eyes are always dry and the corners of my mouth always are cracked and my nose is also dry.

He asked if I have Sjögren's Syndrome and I said I'd never heard of it. So he wrote an order to test for it.

I really doubt I have anything other than dryness from some medication or other. He wrote me a prescription which increases the moisture in mucosa. My eyes are no longer dry, nor my mouth, throat nor nose. I am absolutely in HEAVEN. Whew. If you know someone who has had radiation and is suffering with the dryness, tell them to ask their doctor for a prescription to help relieve the dryness. There IS such a thing and it is called Pilocarpine HCL.
JJ

My exercise today.

I spent today rounding up cattle.

The neighbor neglected to put feed out for his cows so they decided to jump the fence and come visiting. Glad they didn't come to the garden - rather they headed straight to the tall, lush, green grass near the woods. Boy, I agreed with them that it DID look good.

I took my trusty flyswatter and headed toward them at an angle, making a loud SHAAA SHAAA noise. They totally disregarded it. They didn't disregard the flyswatter on their rear tho. They moved off in the general direction of home at a trot.

The general direction proved to be very general. They headed south, too. Fortunately my brother in law, Kenneth has a 4wheeler and he gently (and LOUDLY) headed them back to the gate. With not much further ado, they went back in.

Most exercise that I have had this summer.

3 hours later what did I see? The cattle back grazing. This time our neighbor, Kelley, came with a feed bucket full. The cows docilely trotted along behind her into their pen. All's well that ends well.

Tomorrow I see my cancer doctor for a 6 month checkup. Let's hope all's still well there, too.

The Big "C"

My 62 birthday was last week. Never thought I'd make it. For that matter, I was surprised when I made it to 40. Who'da thunk it?

Finally after nearly 2 years, I had my neck "fixed" by a plastic surgeon so that it no longer resemble a turkey's neck. Unfortunately for me, it is still under wraps til Friday next. (Had the surgery last Thursday).

Also, unfortunately for me, after they'd put me to sleep, they were not able to immediately intubate me. It was discovered that I have a truly BAD case of GERD. Stomach contents had backed up to my lungs and I had to be suctioned first. I can tell you that the colour is bright green as in a fresh picked pea which has been squashed. I can also tell you that when it is in your lungs, you will cough and it will ache til you clear yourself of it. Then you will most likely develop pneumonia for which I am on antibiotics.

This GERD thing runs in my family, but since my father, mother and younger sister all have passed on, I am not sure how they found out they had it. My sister knew because she also had scleroderma and had MANY things diagnosed. Also morbid heart failure which she neglected to tell me of so I didn't know she was dying til about 3 hours before she did. We DID get to speak with each other, tho, and confirm that we loved each other.

Back to the present. I cannot lay flat in bed now, which is the only way I can sleep. Fused neck bones from a previous surgery and slightly curved back from a break when thrown from a motorcycle preclude otherwise. Unless I am sitting in this chair typing away. :)

Technorati

I've joined a tech site called technorati and it looks to be one for good info. This is a link to my profile there.

Yearly or Semi-yearly?

It seems as if I run into this again a couple of times a year. I still miss my sister like crazy. Wish I had gone when I felt the "niggle". Won't delay again, however I am the end of my immediate family.

We're happily settled in WV where I get to shoot cardinals, deer, fishermen, etc. (camera, folks. Camera) We ran out of money before we got the front porch, but I've got a dilly of a back deck to watch everything from.

I'm glad to say I am still cancer free. I still am checked every 3 months. My speech sounds as if I am tongue tied a bit, but that hurts nothing. Eating is still an ability I have and USE. :) Much better than at this time a year ago.

For the very first time in this 60+ life, I am home.

And THEN

I was diagnosed in December with Oral cancer. Was I shocked? Nope. Seems to be the way things go. My husband told me a week ago that his mind went AWOL til recently.

I've had surgery. 1/4 of my tongue was removed on the left side, all of the bottom inside of the floor of my mouth on the left side, as well. All lymph nodes from the ear to the bottom of my throat were also removed. It has left me looking as if I've swallowed a tennis ball, but because of the lymph node removal, the incidence of recurrance is now 5% down from 75%. GO DOC!!!

My doctor is a VERY young looking Duke graduate of otolaryngology. I THINK that used to be EENT doctors. No matter. :) He also will receive his Majority soon in the military. He's most likely not as young as he looks which pleased me to no end. The younger the better when it comes to cancer surgery, at least for me.

We made a very hurried house buy in WV from Ohio because of the diagnosis of cancer. I knew that the coal fields of WV has a very high incidence of head/neck cancers. I wanted someone very experienced in that field. I was extremely lucky in the physician I drew by chance. I have had a six week checkup. My speech is improving daily. Eating seems to come naturally, so we won't get into that :) My next appointment is in mid March and I expect no less than a clear report.

My physician's name is Dr. Michael Beasley. If you're in WV (or anywhere else for that matter) SEEK him out if you need help. He's absolutely top drawer.

Michael S Beasley MD
(304) 353-0213
1306 Kanawha Blvd
E Charleston, WV 25301
Physicians & Surgeons-M.D., Physicians & Surgeons-Allergy & Immunology, Physicians & Surgeons-Otolaryngology

It's now September . . .

and I woke up in shock yesterday. I'll be 60 on my birthday. How'd that happen? I was only 26 when I went to bed !! Walking by the mirror was the schocker. My grandmother jumped in front of me before I could blink. I REALLLLLY haven't any idea how that happened.

June was a most terrible month. My sister died unexpectedly. She had scleroderma and a host of other problems, but she hadn't seemed bad the last time I saw her. And we had talked frequently on the phone. She called me one Saturday and said, I don't think I can make it any longer. I said, because of the medicine? She said yes, but they're cutting it back. I'm only having a pity party today, so bear with me, will you?. I said Ok, but I'd rather come up Monday. No dice, she said.. I'll be at work. So I said Ok, but there was a little niggle at the back of my mind that said, Go see her..it will shut your brain off - stop it from complaining, but niggle.....niggle...went my mind.


Of course I have a life and my husband's disabled..she DID say NO and I know she'll tell me when she needs me. I took her to the University of Michigan a couple of times for some tests which had OK results by the time I was told. Niggle.....niggle......

She died on June 22nd '06. She was 56 years old.

I live in a different state and when I was told she was dying, I immediately called the nurse's desk to see if I had time enough to make it. No. Not more than an hour, she thought.

They hunted up a telephone and called me back so I could speak with her. I said, she's alert?? Yep, so I hung up and then the phone rang.

She was alert - and coherent and we discussed what she wanted done for a funeral, who would keep an ear out for her kids. They're 21 and 19. She said they're old enough and have their father and Aunt to keep an eye on them. They'll be fine.

With shock, I realized we were having this NORMAL conversation and I said, Barb!!! This can NOT be right. You're making sense, not short of breath, NOTHING. It can NOT be right. Oh, she said, it's right. I do not think the pain medicine is working.

We spoke another minute. She said, I love you, but I need to go now. I said, I love you and hung up the phone. I was called the next morning by our good friend, Deb, who told me she had died around 4:45am - which was the time my brain settled down and I drifted to sleep.

I still have no death certificate, nothing that says "Barb", nothing to remember her by. If any of you needs a reminder, here it is. We don't get to stay here forever, so if you love them, tell them. You probably will not have the same chance that I did.

So many things change and we think, next week. and next week....niggle, niggle... And then they're gone.

Sugar.

Found this from Dec '04 - my best bud, Bk2u

My mother is dying. Isn't that a note to celebrate Christmas on? A friend asked me is it better to know that they're dying, or would it be better to have it be a shock and they simply fall over dead?

Let it be a shock! You don't have to hear them sob in pain, be up all night rolling in agony, have them be sick to their stomach because of the pain medications etc !!

Now: The friend who asked me if it is better to know....died before my mother...and I so regret having given him that answer. I believe that he knew he was dying and was asking me if I'd want to know. Wish he'd told me...I'd give a different answer today. We all should have a chance to say something.

So. Bk2u..Cya later. You were a right good friend and I'll be glad to share some of your Granny's peach cobbler when I get there.

Found this where I'd kept a note. It was Dec 9, '04

My mother is dying. Isn't that a note to celebrate Christmas on? A friend asked me is it better to know that they're dying, or would it be better to have it be a shock and they simply fall over dead?

Let it be a shock! You don't have to hear them sob in pain, be up all night rolling in agony, have them be sick to their stomach because of the pain medications etc !!

Now: The friend who asked me if it is better to know....died before my mother...and I so regret having given him that answer. I believe that he knew he was dying and was asking me if I'd want to know.

How time flies

If it is going to be 6 months between postings, then I suppose one might think that my life is very humdrum. Quite the opposite in fact.

My sister and I finished up on Mom's affairs. My sister discovered that she, herself, is very ill with Scleroderma. She's been ill for quite some time (years) and unfortunately it reached crisis last fall. She's had a port implanted thru her chest wall direct to the heart with medicine which is pumped in to help decrease the pressure within her lung and heart. She's feeling much better now after nearly bleeding out last fall. I'll tell yolu, folks...it's been a year to...remember? forget? Whatever!


After I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in October, I've been learning how to deal with it - and everyone seems to have their own way of dealing. I am seeing a pain clinic doctor and he ordered an xray on my neck. He said it looked funny - and here I was going to him because he is a pain specialist. My neck didn't hurt!

The Xray showed that there was a problem and an MRI said that it was a disk which was pushing on the spinal cord. I had a diskectomy with a bone graft from a cadaver bone donor and a titanium plate screwed into the bone. Guess where the surgical incision began...
Oh, c'mon....Guess.

Right above the collarbone at the base of my neck!~ After 3 months, the bone still has not healed as the doctor wished, so I am on another 3 month stint of limited activity. It doesn't hurt much so I can live with that. The reason it is slow healing is because I'm diabetic. I'm not on any meds, and my blood sugar is normal but when it comes to healing, a diabetic's body is still diabetic.


We've been updating our house a little. I want to move to West Virginia where my husband's family lives. He left there 45 years ago and we've gone back for visits, but now it's time to go "home." He and I have been expecting to hit some bumps while discussing this, but so far we're still getting right on!! We've decided on a Modular, but haven't decided on the builder yet. If you have an opinion on which is the best, leave me a comment. :)

Cya sooner than 6 months!! (I hope)

Found again

I said this began as an accident and so it did. A friend asked me if I would like to try this and I did, however my mother was dying and I was taking care of her. Caring for her was a full time job and I forgot that this blog was created immediately upon its' creation!

I'm glad I emailed myself a note, tho, and today, 5 months later, I found my emailed note so HERE I am again. Yes, it's me. My mother passed from this earthly plane on April 4th and my sister and I only recently finished clearing up her affairs.

Now to carry on with my own. Or try to.

I've taken up photography in the past year or so - photography brought about with gifts of money from my recently departed mother. Her gifts bought a very nice camera, a Canon Rebel DSLR. I hope to post some of those pictures I've taken in here and let you see some of my work and play. Not only does the camera do a very nice job, but I also have a fairly good eye for a photograph.

I belong to a photography discussion group located at ThirdAge and have learned a lot from being critiqued and because we receive "assignments" monthly. Our discussion host is a retired Art teacher who does like to teach and is a boon for us. I am also an administrator at the ThirdAge Chat and assist people in learning a little bit in navigating the chat and site itself.

This is a picture of my Simon cat, a Devon Rex.

He is quite a character. He likes to play "tag", catch the fly, climb the window and all sorts of fun games. He sleeps all night and plays most of the day. I have another Devon Rex, the SugarBaby. She's an older cat and is quite content to sleep all day, but that is anathema to Simon and he INSISTS she rise and shine. She tends to hiss at him and run to Mama to make him go away. He rarely listens although the fly swatter I wield does catch his attention occasionally.

We live in the country, the flat as a pancake part of NorthWest Ohio. Our intent is to move to West Virginia next spring (where it is not as flat as a pancake).

Here's an odd coloured sunflower growing in a burn pile out back.

The original sunflowers were burned last year but some seeds survived and these are those seeds. Quite unusual and very pretty. Baltimore Orioles feed on them and I'd like to get a shot of THEM. :)

I hear stomach's rumbling so it must be time to fix dinner. Cya on the flip side.

"My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone"

Holy Moly...it's begun!

It started as an accident and HERE I am!